I'm Wishing
by CarnalCoast
Summary: Aoba and Sei knew they were different from the other kids, but they never realized how much until they are separated from each other. All Aoba wants is his brother back.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This is an AU, but some elements are going to be from canon. Note that the actual romance won't start until around Chapter 12, or basically around the end of the whole childhood arc._

_This story will eventually contain violence, death of main character(s), and non-consensual sexual activities between minors._

_This chapter contains bullying/misgendering._

* * *

Headphones on, he always strode out the door without even a goodbye. Or a good morning, for that matter. Her eyes followed him every day, and sometimes he thought she would say something – express her concern, her fear? Her disappointment?

She _would_ tell him, at first – "Aoba, you can't get in any more fights." – "What happened to all those _nice_ boys you used to be friends with?" – "You need to start planning to go back to school someday, Aoba."

Her nagging slowly trickled away, until it was stopped up for good. He knew he would tire her out eventually. Sure, there may have been a part of Aoba that felt ashamed, even guilty, that he was putting dear Granny through this; however, that part hadn't been seen by anyone in a long time.

"Hey, Aoba!"

The familiar voice of his childhood friend graced his ears through the pounding music, and Aoba reluctantly moved one speaker off his ear to respond.

"Yo." Monotone; just how he always had been for years now. Mizuki didn't seem to mind, and still slung his arm around Aoba's shoulder. The few men standing around Aoba – his "friends" for lack of a better term – eyed him wearily, but didn't object. They knew that if they did, Aoba would probably just throw them a punch and leave with Mizuki.

"So, you _are_ still coming to the Dry Juice meet tonight, right? I mean, you didn't answer my text…" Mizuki talked loudly, with a nice-guy smile, so Aoba knew that he was just trying to keep up his appearance. That was how all of these "gangsters" were, though; it couldn't be helped. Aoba was deeply disgusted by it, but couldn't complain; after all, he did the exact same thing.

"I don't know. Why do you need me there?"

"Because you're an expert on Rhyme! I thought I told you about this…" Mizuki's voice died down. The other men seemed to have thrown suspicious glares his way; a Rib leader mentioning Rhyme was something to be concerned about. Aoba saw this and scoffed.

"I'm not an expert on Rhyme, asshole. Fine, I'll come."

"Really? Thanks, Aoba!" Mizuki ruffled Aoba's hair in happiness, before backing off at his groans of revulsion. The men were starting to look more threatening as time passes, so he followed up with a, "Well, I don't want to cause any unnecessary trouble here! Catch ya later!" before jogging off.

Aoba sighed loudly, about to put his headphones back on properly, before one of the men caught his attention with a nudge.

"Oh, here's the place?"

A dark blue puff of fur popped out of Aoba's hoodie at the question, turning to look up at him. The dog's deep, hollow voice responded, "Yes, this is the proper address. However, business hours were not listed in any databases I was capable of contacting. Do you think they are open?"

"Does it matter?" Aoba sneered at his AllMate's question. "We'll get in either way." The men around him murmured in agreement, and Ren's ears drooped.

"Aoba…"

"Shut it, Ren. Why do you always have to criticize my ideas? Don't you want to see him too?"

"Of course, Aoba, but this method is unprincipled. And I also believe it would be best if we told Mizuki-"

"No thanks. Just do what you're told."

"Of course, Aoba…" Ren automatically agreed as Aoba knocked on the door. The building was small, but pretty, with flowers surrounding the bench in front of the large window. All of the flowers were in separate pots, as if each one was grown by someone different. There was a handmade sign next to the door that explained the specials of this week – but no business hours.

"Tch… How unprofessional. And of course no one answers…" Aoba grumbled to himself, before gesturing one of the men behind him to the door. Ren whined quietly from inside Aoba's hoodie as the man smirked, pulling out a crowbar. It started to drizzle lightly, but none of the boys bothered to pull up their hoods.

With a sharp crack, the door opened.

"Flimsy…" Aoba muttered, craning his head in. It's dark inside, but he made a few steps into the shop. From somewhere deep inside him, his breathing stuttered.

"Anyone home?"

Aoba knew he was different from most children, but he didn't always think that way. It was Sei who made him realize how unique they both were; after all, Aoba was never as observant as his brother, he could admit.

Neither of the twins looked particularly strange – Aoba thought the birthmark on his right hip was shaped far too precisely like a six-pointed star to be a coincidence, but Sei quickly assured him that it was no big deal. No, the problem was how strange they _felt_. The sensations that ran through them whenever someone touched or tugged on their hair too hard were enough to keep them both from attending pre-school for two weeks, before Mom and Granny finally caved and decided to let them stay home until the next year. Dad never cared as much; he seemed to understand, which was probably why he grew to become the favorite parent.

Still, Aoba never considered that he was any different from any other kid until Sei pointed it out. All of the other kids had hair that doesn't hurt them. None of them could speak telepathically to their siblings, either; although, as Aoba grew older, he was unsure of whether the telepathy was just a product of their combined imagination or the real deal.

Perhaps it was these differences that made the two twins so quiet in their early years – never reaching out to make any other friendships, simply staying close to each other throughout their days. Haruka worried and worried about her precious boys becoming recluses and never having any relationships other than their own, but Nain and Tae-san always assured her that she was simply overreacting. Children developed all at their own rate; most likely, Sei and Aoba would need a little more time before they decided to open up out of their little world and become social with other kids.

In the two years that Haruka and Nain were raising the twins, however, that did not happen. Five-year-old Aoba, tears running down his chubby face, would have to constantly run to Sei in order to escape the relentless bullies insistent on pulling his bangs. Sei fought them all with a cold expression; unless they were older or threatened them with scissors, in which case Sei would grab Aoba's hand and run for their young lives. The playground the two frequented would usually be swarming with kids their age during the day, especially on weekends, so Sei decided that they would only go out to play in the mornings and evenings. He didn't trust any one of those kids anymore, and Aoba was inclined to agree.

Sei and Aoba never talked to their parents or Granny about any of the bad things; home was a place for fun and happiness, after all. So there was nothing Haruka or Nain could do. In fact, nothing did happen to change it until the young couple left Midorijima.

"Are mommy and daddy really gone?" Aoba asked his brother in an unobtrusive, wobbly voice. It was nighttime, both of them laying in the twin bed they shared, facing each other. Granny wasn't in the house at the moment, so they could probably be as loud as they want, but it was always custom to whisper when they talked at night.

"Yes. They left this morning, remember." Sei's answer was unemotional, because he was too busy searching his brother's face for any sign that he might cry.

Sure enough, tears were welling up in Aoba's large eyes. "Okay… But they will come back." He said it to assure himself, but it didn't seem to work too well, and he started sobbing quietly.

Sei pulled Aoba into his arms and tried to cuddle him to sleep; it usually worked whenever he was crying about being bullied, so Sei hoped it would work this time as well. Sei already cried himself out to Granny that morning, anyway, so he didn't feel like shedding any more tears.

At first, Sei didn't know what to say to calm Aoba's fears. Then, "I'm positive we'll see them again someday."

After Haruka and Nain left to travel, Granny had to provide for Sei and Aoba more than ever. It was almost impossible for her to do alone; she still had her own job to do, and she couldn't bring the twins to and from school every day. This led to her giving Sei the job of protecting them both – something Sei had already gotten used to doing, so the routine turned out to be quite effective. Walking to and from school was easy enough for them when Sei would shoot unfriendly glares at any kid or adult coming within four feet of them. All of the harassment they had endured made Sei distrustful towards most people; it was likely they would hurt him or his brother.

One particular day, though, not three weeks after Haruka and Nain left, someone managed to break down the walls Sei had put up.

"Aw, look at her! I think she's actually about to cry! What a girl…"

"What kind of boy has this hair, anyway…?" There was a sharp yank, and Aoba yelped in pain, a tear streaking down his face. He almost wanted to yell, but he could never get his voice to work in situations like this.

"Is it even a boy or a girl, anyway? How can you tell?"

"No boy is _this_ wimpy! Just look!" Aoba was pushed on his back, and gravel dug into his palms. He heard the other boys laugh maliciously and sobbed; the things they said usually didn't get to him this much, but Sei wasn't there to protect him this time. He had to stay in for recess because the teacher wanted to talk to him about something. Whatever it was, Aoba wished more than anything that they would hurry up. Either that, or for the ground under him to just swallow him up forever.

"Well? Get up." A kick made contact with his side, and Aoba jerked in pain. All he wanted was for Sei to come, for a teacher to look his way, something! His eyes closed tightly and he waited for another kick, but…

"Hey! What do you guys think you're doing?" Another boy's voice reached Aoba's ears, but this one sounded even older than the bullies.

"What do you mean?" The kid who was kicking him asked, sounding honestly confused.

"Yeah, we're just having fun…"

"This is _fun?_ Knock it off! Quit beating on a girl; you don't deserve to be called men! You need to treat girls with respect! What is wrong with you?" The rescuer's speech was likely more than enough to intimidate the bullies, and they ran off, a couple of them bowing to the rescuer in apology. Aoba, still sobbing brokenly, stayed on the ground until a hand reached out to him.

"Hey, are you okay? Those guys were just jerks. Can you stand?"

Aoba looked up hesitatingly at the patient voice, and saw a black-haired boy reaching out to him encouragingly. He looked like one of the older kids in the school, and Aoba felt too intimidated to take his hand. After an excruciatingly long amount of waiting, though, he realized that his savior wouldn't leave without an answer, so Aoba shakily allowed himself to be pulled up.

The boy smiled at him in approval and held on to his shoulder, seemingly looking him over for injuries. Aoba shied away, feeling like he was about to cry again. Inside, he felt more than grateful to this person for helping him, but where was Sei?

"Well, my name is Koujaku. It's nice to meet you. What's your name?" Koujaku, noticing Aoba's reclusiveness, tried his hardest to sound soft and comforting. Aoba relaxed noticeably and inhaled.

"It's… Aoba. Seragaki." His voice was barely audible, but Koujaku was listening hard, and managed to catch his name.

"Aoba. Why would those boys hurt you, Aoba? Did they have any reason?"

Encouraged, Aoba quietly replied, "It's because… I look like a g-girl…"

"…You're not a girl?" In his surprise, Koujaku forgot to make his voice gentler, and Aoba looked away quickly in fear. Surely, now that he knew Aoba was a boy, Koujaku would be like the others. Surely, he would want to beat Aoba up too.

Seeing Aoba's renewed fear, Koujaku laughed nervously and tried to fix his mistake. "N-No! I didn't… That's a really stupid reason to try and beat someone up! I'm still going to protect you, okay? I promise I will!"

Aoba looked back at him in shock at his declaration, and Koujaku was smiling kindly again. This boy… This _hero _came to save him! Aoba felt a flutter in his small chest, and opened his mouth to reply…

"Hey! What are you doing to my brother?"

Aoba's arm was taken by a familiar hand, and he felt himself calming again. Sei was at his side, glaring at Koujaku with all of his intensity. There was a second boy who came with Sei; he looked a bit older than the twins, and had darker skin with dark purple hair. Aoba had never seen him before in his life, but wasn't made nervous by the stranger, because now Sei was there.

"I'm not doing anything, I promise. He was being bullied, and…" Koujaku held his hands up and tried to prove himself, narrowing his eyes a little.

"This guy saved me, Sei…" Aoba whispered so softly to Sei that only the two of them could hear. "He's a hero…"

The anger immediately left Sei's dark eyes at his brother's words. Still holding Aoba's hand, he now faced Koujaku with a grateful expression. Everyone was silent, awaiting his words.

"…Thanks."

With Sei's approval, the hero Koujaku quickly became a steady presence in their lives. As they learned, Koujaku was eleven years old and had just moved to the island with his mother. He was respectful towards everyone, but not afraid to step up to someone he didn't like – qualities that made him rank up drastically in Sei's book. The other, purple-haired boy who had been following Sei at the time turned out to be a nine-year-old named Mizuki, who was assigned to be Sei's student tutor and help him with his homework. The teacher had called him in to introduce them; Sei was very smart, Aoba knew, but he just didn't enjoy academics. Aoba at least could tolerate schoolwork; Sei, on the other hand, usually quit his work halfway out of boredom or frustration. He was never one for listening to directions, and preferred to do things his own way.

Nevertheless, Mizuki was there to help Sei actually finish his homework, and he also gradually reserved a place in the twins' life. Within a year, Sei and Aoba had acquired the first two friends they'd ever had outside of themselves. Granny was astounded, and constantly pestered the twins to invite them over. Koujaku and Mizuki were always eager to come and visit anyway, since Granny's cooking was so delectable.

Obviously, both siblings had to change their routine to get used to their new friends; they had always been alone until now. Sei was still reluctant to let Mizuki or Koujaku so much as touch Aoba, and Aoba was still quick to get nervous even when the boys were just playing around. But Mizuki and Koujaku quickly understood and respected their boundaries – something that assured their positions in the twins' life, and allowed Sei to let himself be friendly towards them.

Koujaku's promise to protect Aoba rang true, and both siblings found themselves being saved by him regularly. Mizuki helped on some occasions, but he never hung out with them as much as Koujaku did, so it was mainly Koujaku supporting them. Aoba grew to like Koujaku a lot because of this, but was even more grateful to him for being someone Sei could confide in. Sei was always babying Aoba – never the other way around, and though Aoba liked it that way, he was still worried that Sei would never have someone to do the same for him. Koujaku ended up being that person; Sei seemed angry and embarrassed when Aoba brought up how he hugged and cried into Koujaku that one time, but Aoba was just happy that Sei didn't have to act as strong anymore.

Koujaku and his mother also helped the twins realize something else that set them apart from the other kids. Koujaku's mother and Granny quickly became close friends, so Granny often left Aoba and Sei under her care when she was too busy working to watch them. Koujaku's mother was the first to explain to Aoba and Sei that they had been adopted by Haruka and Nain – different from Koujaku, who was his mother's biological son. At first, the boys didn't understand the difference completely, but Granny helped explain it to them as well.

Aoba didn't see it as a big difference; Haruka and Nain were still their parents, no matter what, so why did it matter? Sei was more concerned, though; they had to have come from somewhere, right? Who gave birth to them? What was their life like before they were adopted? Neither Aoba nor Sei could remember anything beyond living on the island with their parents and Granny. Sei yearned to know more, so Granny told the twins the story of how Haruka and Nain showed up on her doorstep, during a frosty winter's evening, toting two five-year-old boys with them. The couple had been previously traveling for a few years, so seeing them come back out of the blue with young children was almost enough to make Granny's heart stop. But she quickly ushered them in and gave them a place to raise their new children; where those children came from, she couldn't say for certain. Nain told her that they came from a faraway country, and they needed parents – simple as that. End of story. Sei and Aoba had no choice but to accept Granny's explanation and leave it be; perhaps they would never know of their birth parents, but it wasn't something to dwell on.

The twins soon forgot to worry about their origins anyway, when Sei's health started deteriorating even more. Aoba knew Sei's immune system had always been weaker than his; luckily, with Granny being in the health-care profession, as often as Sei caught sicknesses, he was never ailed by them for very long. When they turned nine, however, it became harder to fend off a common cold or stomach bug.

That's why Aoba decided he should maybe try and take care of Sei just as much, if not more, as Sei took care of him.

"Hey! Anyone home?" Young Aoba knocked on the russet door vigorously, hopping out of nervousness and excitement every couple seconds.

After a short moment, the door opened, and Koujaku appeared. "Yeah, yeah. I'm here. Let's go!" He spotted Aoba's fidgeting and grinned delightedly. "Someone's excited."

Aoba blushed and pouted indignantly. "Not! I've just been waiting out here for _forever_, that's all!" His anger quickly left him and he smiled enthusiastically again. "So, do you have money? What AllMate are you thinking of getting? _I_ really want a blue dog, or a blue cat-"

Koujaku laughed loudly to cut off his rambling and led him away from the house. "Whoa there, slow down! Mom gave me enough money. You're not even the one buying an AllMate today, remember?"

Aoba grabbed Koujaku's wrist to keep himself from tripping on the curb like he always did, and whined, "Yeah... But why can't I? I _really_ want one!"

"You're not old enough to get an AllMate yet, Aoba. Do you really think you can maintain a complex one? We already told you, you could get a small automatic-"

"But those aren't cool!" Aoba stomped his feet and groaned, making Koujaku chuckle again. "They aren't customizable or anything, and they all do the same thing! Those aren't _real_ AllMates, you hippo!"

"Oi, don't call me a hippo." Koujaku turned the street corner and tugged Aoba along, trying to change the subject. He knew Aoba would just become relentless if it carried on any further. "We have to pick up Sei and Mizuki, remember? How is Sei today anyway?"

Aoba, pouting, didn't want to yield. "Granny was giving him his medicine when I left. That stuff is so gross… But he agrees with me! He thinks we both should get AllMates the same time as you!"

Koujaku groaned in exasperation. "You can't fool me, Aoba. I know Sei doesn't think that."

"Fine… But why does Mizuki get to buy one today too? He's only eleven!"

"Eleven is old enough. Mizuki is smart and mature for his age. Aoba, once you turn eleven I'm sure Tae-san will get you and Sei both AllMates of your own, okay?"

Aoba sighed as they neared his front door. "Okay…"

At the store, Koujaku ended up buying a small red bird AllMate, after much consideration. Mizuki spent less time choosing his, striding for the "reptilian" section and picking out a bearded dragon AllMate almost twice the size of Koujaku's bird. Aoba fumed with envy the entire time, while Sei laughed quietly beside him at his jealousy, occasionally coughing.

"Aoba… We'll get ours soon enough, okay?" Sei commented to console him as they waiting for Koujaku and Mizuki outside the shop – Aoba couldn't stand the tempting sight of all the AllMates any longer.

"I know…" Aoba mumbled dejectedly, before brightening up and looking to Sei in eagerness. "And I've already decided what mine is going to be, too! A cat or a dog – they have to be blue! And they have to be really smart, too!"

"I don't think you should be too certain of what your AllMate is going to be like, or you might be disappointed..."

Aoba frowned at his brother's logic. "I guess… What do you want yours to be like, nii-san?"

Sei sighed and tried to humor him. "Uh… I'd like a fish."

"A fish?" Aoba laughed a little. "A fish won't be able to do anything, silly! That's just like having a normal pet…"

"Fine… Maybe a… butterfly?"

Remembering his dad's story of a blue butterfly, Aoba smiled in approval. "That sounds neat! And it has to be blue!"

Sei nodded happily in agreement. "Yeah. And big enough so that no one squashes it…"

"Ooooh, big enough to ride!"

The older twin made a face and then laughed. "Not _that_ big, Aoba!"

Aoba pouted – _he _thought it was a good idea – but agreed reluctantly. "I guess not… Okay, if I forget in two years, remind me to make Granny take us here to buy them, okay?"

Smiling at his brother's exuberance, Sei replied, "Okay."


	2. Chapter 2

Breakfast for Clear was always simple – toast with apricot jam, and a tall glass of whole milk. Occasionally he would switch up the jam flavor, but that was only when it was raining outside, which wasn't very often where he lived.

He smiled when he heard the soothing voice of Grandpa calling him to work. With a life like his, what was there to ever be sad about? Clear hadn't felt sadness at all in his short life – then again, wasn't it true that most kids below ten years old were inhumanly innocent, anyway?

"Good luck with tilling the soil today, Sen!" Clear jubilantly says to Grandpa's son. Sen was a boy much older than him, with almost translucent strawberry-blond hair and glasses. He'd lived with Clear and Grandpa all his life – he was Grandpa's son, after all – so he was family, Clear knew. But in Clear's mind, he never saw him as his uncle, brother, or anything like that. He was simply "Grandpa's Son". It was unusual to other people, but Clear didn't find it strange. When some of his classmates asked why his "Grandpa" was so young too, he just smiled and said "because"!

Sen shot an irritated glace his way, like he always did, and didn't speak to him. Clear was used to Sen treating him unkindly, but he never got upset by it. It was how things always had been; if Sen suddenly complimented him one day, Clear would probably be worried and a bit terrified.

Humming to himself, Clear opened the creaking front door and took a large breath of the fresh, slightly humid air. He liked where he lived – even when it rained, the scenery was colorful and lively. Smiling, he was about to run down the porch steps when an arm caught his shoulder.

"Wait, Clear." The familiar voice of Grandpa stopped him, and a straw hat was pushed onto his head. Clear grabbed it and looked up to his caretaker with a childish smile.

"Thanks! Can I take care of Suzy today?"

"Hmm… I suppose. Just take care of the cria first."

"Yes!" Clear ran a few yards to a nearby barn and grabbed the hand-bell. All of the baby alpacas – cria, Grandpa called them – weren't old enough to follow the bell yet, but that's what Clear was for. He was determined to train them quickly, and did so by ringing with vigor at least four times before he patiently nudged them out the door to be in the sunshine. A few babies even responded with a high-pitched "mmm" noise – something that Clear jumped with glee at.

This was Clear's job every sunny day – take care of the cria first, and then take care of any adult alpacas that he had reserved to handle himself. Because the truth was, although Clear found the babies to be extremely adorable, he liked the adults much more, especially when their wool had grown out again. Clear could hug and squeeze them and just _melt_ into a pool of soft fluff – something he couldn't do with the cria, as they were too small and would whine in protest. Clear was particularly fond of an adult named Suzy, who had been on the farm for as long as he could remember – probably even before he was born.

The farm life was all Clear had ever known, so he enjoyed it. Out here, it was hard work to make a living, but the work tended to be therapeutic. Clear had gotten many angry alpaca bites over the years, but that was to be expected, so he didn't mind. He still couldn't wait until he could do the kind of work Sen did and actually move on to growing vegetables; of course, as long as he could still play with the alpacas every day as well.

Grandpa assured him that he would be able to do both, and told him not to worry. That's what Clear loved about him the most – how easygoing he was. Clear was like that too, so the two of them made for a very relaxed and stress-free home – a big accomplishment, considering they had to maintain a farm. Sen was different than the two, and thought their laidback natures were childish and idiotic, but he still held respect for his father and didn't argue with him. Clear, on the other hand, he usually berated; however, his words never broke through Clear's thick skin, so he gave up easily.

After attending to the cria and jumping into Suzy's fluff, Clear ran back indoors to find Sen still slowly eating his breakfast and doing something on his "coil" – Clear still wasn't completely sure what a "coil" was, but it sounded interesting to him.

Clear ran up and jumped to sit on their small dining table, earning a irritable glance from Sen, who was reaching across to open up the blinds and let light in. Their entire house had an unusual amount of windows, and Sen opened the blinds of each one sometime throughout the day; by the time lunch rolled around, the natural light brightened up the whole house. This habit of his was one of the many things Clear liked about Sen; occasionally, Clear would list these things to him, but he would always ignore him as usual. Clear didn't mind.

"When are you going to go work?" Clear asked Sen animatedly. Sen shot him a look of mild disgust before answering.

"Soon." The teenager tilted his head down to continue messing with his coil, but was stopped by Clear's melodic voice again.

"Can I watch you today?"

Sen sighed. "I guess. Nothing much to watch." But he didn't question it; Clear was always into doing weird things. He suspiciously looked to Clear's smiling face again and decided to engage him.

"Oi, see this?" He held up his wrist to fully display his coil to Clear. The boy nodded eagerly. "Dad says he's going to buy you one soon."

Clear gasped in excitement. "No way! But… I don't even know how to use those! ...You have to teach me, you know. Or maybe I can ask Yousei or Korina to teach me about it…" He started mumbling to himself, thinking of his classmates who were recently showing off their own coils.

"Don't be too eager. You know dad; by "soon" he probably means years from now."

"Still… You have to teach me!" Clear wasn't disheartened. Sen sighed again before standing up, not giving him an answer.

"I'm going to work." He walked out slowly, Clear watching his movements before jumping off the table.

"I'm coming!"

After two hours of watching Sen relentlessly plow the earth, Clear decided he'd had enough for the day and went back inside to the parlor, where the piano was. Their house was small, with only two bathrooms, a kitchen/dining area that also doubled as a living room, a parlor, and two bedrooms – one that Sen and Clear shared. The parlor was Clear's favorite place to be, though, since the two "most important" things were there.

The first was the piano; Clear had listened to Grandpa play beautiful music on it for as long as he could remember, and soon decided to teach himself as well. Grandpa and Sen sometimes taught him, but he quickly surpassed Sen – who was never that into it anyway – and Grandpa had more important things to do. Music was a very important thing in Clear's life. He couldn't fathom being away from the farm, but being a musician didn't seem like a bad idea to him either.

The second thing was the picture. There were many pictures kept on top of the piano, all in frames of different sizes, and all including Grandpa, Sen, or Clear. For all of them, Clear could remember exactly where and when they were taken: the harvest festival, the 10k race, Sen winning first place in his kyudo competition two years ago. However, the picture farthest to the left of the bunch was one that Clear didn't know about. It was in a small black frame; nothing to be excited about. But it displayed a young boy, probably in his early teens, with light ginger hair, looking into the camera with a near expressionless gaze. Clear could almost hear him asking, in a cynical tone, "Why are you taking a picture of me?"

Clear didn't know who this person was – had never seen them before in his life. He thought to ask who the person was, but always stopped himself because of an unknown feeling. Instead, he found himself enraptured by the picture day by day, always silently wondering about it. Because apart from his hair color, the boy in the picture looked exactly like an older version of himself.

The next morning, Clear woke up for the first time feeling not okay. He rolled too far to the side of his bed, so much that he almost hit the floor. But he caught himself, and slowly stood up, making his way to the mirror above his and Sen's shared dresser. Looking at himself, he sighed. Why did he feel so bad this morning? He knew some negative things were going to happen today, but he didn't expect that to affect how he was feeling. It honestly confused him.

A sleepy Sen came up behind him and grabbed his shoulders, startling Clear. "Get ready. We need to work before the bus comes to pick us up for school…" He yawned and pushed Clear to the door roughly. "Breakfast is already done…"

As the two made their way through breakfast and farm work, Clear's negative feelings were pushed away. Sen's coarse attitude towards him was comforting, and managed to cheer him up somewhat. By the time he had changed into his uniform and was waiting for the bus with Sen, he had almost completely forgotten about his melancholy.

The bus soon arrived, and the two boys got on, Sen immediately going to sit with his older friends who didn't even spare a glance towards Clear. Clear sat next to the girl he always sat with – she was quiet, and he was only acquaintances with her. They occasionally talked to each other, but only small things. After all, the only reason they sat next to each other was because they were in the same class, which they shared with no one else on the bus. Clear didn't mind that she was quiet, either; it's not like he had that many friends, anyway. Or any close friends. He had plenty of acquaintances; almost everyone in the school knew of him. But no one was interested in him enough to become anything more than normal, not-close friends. Clear was fine with things that way, though.

As the hour-long drive to school passed, Clear noticed the conversations die down as they usually did, and some students started to fall asleep. He couldn't blame them; it wasn't even six in the morning yet, so of course some people probably didn't get a full eight hours of sleep. He and Sen had to wake up every morning at almost four to eat breakfast and do some quick farm work – in their pajamas still, since they didn't want to dirty their school uniform. Even now, he could spot Sen's head drooping in exhaustion. He felt bad for the others, but he himself was never that tired in the mornings, luckily. That led him to watching all of the other students doze off as the bud trekked on, occasionally stopping to pick someone up. Where Clear lived, everyone's houses were very far spread apart, so it took a long time to get every child to the school.

By the time they reached the school building, Clear's negative feelings were resurfacing. He tried not to let it show, but by the time he was at his desk and the bell was ringing, his eyes were lowered and his fists were clenched in agitation.

Something buoyant hit his head from behind, and he slowly turned around in his seat to see his friend Steve, who had transferred to the school a year ago and made friends with almost everyone in their class.

"Did you just throw a paper ball at my head?"

The brunet boy raised his eyebrows and replied, "Well, _yeah_, of course I did. What's wrong with you, Clear? You don't look so good today. You didn't even fasten your tie…"

Clear smiled slightly as his friend reached over to fasten his bolo tie. "I'm fine… The teacher is going to yell at us if you keep talking!" That said, Clear turned around again as soon as Steve was done.

"You can't fool me, Clear!" A harsh whisper sounded behind him, and Clear smiled again at his friend's concern. He still felt sad inside, though, and couldn't figure out why.

When lunch came, Steve immediately took Clear's arm and dragged him to one of the courtyards outside. Clear let himself be dragged, and his mouth twitched up slightly as Steve exclaimed to him, "Okay! Tell me what's wrong now."

Clear sat down at the picnic table to eat and shrugged. "I don't know. I just don't feel well today. Maybe it's going to rain soon…"

From across the table Steve shot him an exasperated look. "But you like the rain, Clear. You like everything practically… Do you feel sick then?"

Swallowing a bite of his egg salad sandwich, Clear shook his head. "No. I'm just not happy, you know? I feel sort of like crying…"

"How can you say that with a straight face?" Steve almost yelled, before sighing. "Did anything happen?"

"No…" His voice lowered. "But something is going to happen…"

"What?" Steve leaned forward in anticipation.

"Suzy is getting killed today."

He blinked. "S-Suzy? …Who's Suzy?"

"She's an alpaca."

Steve's shoulders drooped. "Oh. On your farm, right?"

"Yeah. She's my favorite."

Curiosity sated, Steve leaned back and continued casually, "Well, if she's your favorite, of course you would be sad. You can cry now if you want, I won't make fun."

"But… Why does it make sense that I'm sad?" Clear had stopped eating.

Steve screwed his face up in confusion. "It just does! Your favorite alpaca getting killed is a sad thing to happen. So, it makes you sad. Death is sad. Duh."

"But I'm not a sad person! You've said it before, I'm always happy…"

"Just because you're a happy person doesn't mean you can't get sad, Clear. You know this! Being sad for a while doesn't mean you're not going to be a happy person anymore."

Despite Steve's reasoning, Clear was still confused by the situation. "I've never been sad before…"

Steve laughed. "It's not like you just can't experience sadness, Clear! I know it's a sucky feeling, but you can't _not_ feel it, so quit complaining."

"I'm not complaining!" Clear whined, making Steve chuckle more. "I just… I didn't think this would happen. Other alpacas have died and I didn't feel like this. I've known that Suzy was going to be put down for a long time now, but I didn't feel bad about it until today."

"Well, it probably didn't hit you until now. I said already, if you want to cry, then you can go ahead."

"Okay…"

Clear's face still hadn't warped in sadness, and Steve watched in surprise as a few lone tears fell across his neutral expression. After a few moments, Clear bowed his head and began to eat again, muttering a "thank you".

Steve blinked a few times before softly laughing again. "Clear… You're really weird."

Clear looked up, red tracks of his tears still faint across his face. He laughed with him. "I get it, you always tell me that…"

Steve laughed even harder. "No, I mean it. You're _really _weird. Are you sure you're not an alien?"

Throwing his empty juice box at Steve, Clear rose his voice in protest. "_No_, I'm not an alien! But if I were, you _so _wouldn't be laughing at me right now…! _Sto~p it!_ You said you wouldn't laugh!"

Wiping tears of mirth from his own eyes, Steve conceded. "I just wasn't expecting that…"

Even though Clear was peeved at Steve still making fun of him, he felt much better afterwards. So much that when he was able to say his last goodbyes to Suzy when he got home, he didn't cry at all.

"How long until you come back?"

Koujaku sighed sadly, unable to look away from Aoba and Sei's gloomy faces. "I don't know… But we won't be gone forever."

"That's right!" Koujaku's mother smiled sympathetically, leaning down and holding onto Koujaku's shoulders. "Even if we don't come back permanently, we can still visit! I promise."

Nevertheless, tears welled up in Aoba's eyes. Sei smiled thankfully. "Okay. We'll miss you."

"You guys better have AllMates by the time we come back here! A bird needs more friends, yanno?" Beni piped up from Koujaku's shoulder, earning a grin from Koujaku. Aoba laughed through his tears.

"Y-Yeah..!"

"Once again, thank Tae-san for all she's done to help us-…" Koujaku's mother went on, but was cut off by an announcement resonating through the airport. She put her hand to her cheek. "Oh, looks like that's us…"

Aoba and Sei tightly hugged her and Koujaku, then waved as they disappeared into the crowd of people. Aoba continued staring at where they were for a few moments, before Sei tugged on his hand.

"Come on... We promised Mizuki the three of us would hang out today." Aoba nodded shakily and followed Sei outside. It was only once they walked four blocks that Sei spoke again.

"Aren't you excited?" He asked casually, turning slightly to look at Aoba.

"E-Excited?" Aoba sputtered, voice still thick from crying. "What do… I have to be excited about?"

"Oh, so you did forget…? Our birthday is next week, Aoba."

"…So?"

"We're going to be eleven."

There was a pause, and a switch flicked in Aoba's head. He finally smiled again. "W-We can get AllMates! Really? I'm so excited!"

Sei laughed as Aoba jumped in excitement, but stopped in confusion when he suddenly lowered his head and became sad again. "What's wrong? I thought you've been waiting for this…"

"Yeah, but…" Aoba sniffed, and his voice warbled. "K-Koujaku won't be there… Beni was wanting us to get AllMates too and…" He put his hands to his face as Sei sighed and hugged him from the side.

"I know… But we can still show them the next time they visit, right?"

Aoba rubbed his face and nodded. "Okay…"

Sighing softly under his breath every once in a while, Clear hummed to himself impatiently as he watched the kids sitting around him. It wasn't that he didn't want to be here; on the contrary, he always cherished any time that he could hang out with the group of kids that he could actually call "friends" instead of just "people he'd talked to a few times". At the moment, he was just mildly annoyed with them, that's all.

"Come on! Faster! Faster!" One of the more energetic boys, Yasuo, yelled in delight. Everyone at the table was watching Hitomi as she plunged the small knife between her fingers and into the table, going faster with each round.

Clear looked to Steve beside him, and whispered, "Do you get the point of this? What is she trying to do?"

Steve, mildly interested in the display, mumbled to him without looking away. "She's trying to go as fast as she can without hurting herself. It's just fun, Clear."

Clear looked back at Hitomi in surprise. "This is _fun_? What's going to happen if she gets hurt?"

"Someone else has to do it after her. That's the rule."

Immediately after Steve's explanation, a short cry erupted from Hitomi, and everyone hollered in excitement. Face annoyed, Hitomi slowly lifted up her right index finger, which had little rivulets of crimson blood now flowing from it. "I lost…" She sighed in agitation, most of the kids looking in amazement at her finger as a few reached for the knife. Steve got to it first, though.

"Okay!" He proclaimed, holding up the small blade for a few seconds, before pointing it at Clear, who jumped slightly in surprise. "Clear! You can try next, since you seemed so interested in it."

Waving his hands nervously, Clear protested, "No I wasn't! I'm not interested in it at all! I don't want to!"

"Don't be a baby, it's not that bad," Hitomi interrupted through her finger now in her mouth. The others agreed, although Clear heard one mumble "Unless he accidentally stabs through his hand or something…"

Steve, still holding out the knife, stared at Clear expectantly. Heaving a huge sigh, Clear conceded and took the handle, putting his hand on the table. He heard a few whoops of excitement from around him.

It took only three swings before he failed. "Ow!" He exclaimed softly as he winced and dropped the knife. The skin between his middle and ring fingers was dyed a dark reddish-brown.

Some students let out moans of disappointment, and from beside him he heard Steve sigh, "I should've known you weren't going to last long…"

Clear almost started feeling ashamed, before Hitomi piped up, "Clear's blood looks weird, doesn't it?"

Steve looked closer at Clear's hand, inspecting the color. Clear stayed silent, confused, as he eventually said, "I don't know what you mean. Looks like blood to me."

Hitomi sighed in frustration before taking out her finger again, holding it out to show them as drops of blood appeared again from her cut. She held it over Clear's own injured hand, and the kids murmured in amazement as they saw the difference.

"His blood is way darker than mine. And browner. What's up with that?"

Most of the kids, including Clear and Hitomi, looked to Steve for an answer; he was the most knowledgeable, after all. After a few moments, Steve sighed and proclaimed, "Well, he obviously is blood type AB. People with that blood type tend to have darker blood."

Hitomi glared, not buying it. "That's ridiculous. I've never heard of that before in my life! Blood type has nothing to do with your blood color."

Steve scowled back in agitation. "Yes it does! My brother said so once!"

Sheepishly, Clear mumbled, "I don't think I have AB blood type…"

"Then what type is it?" Steve questioned, determined.

"I-I dunno…"

"You guys!" Another boy interjected nervously. "I think a teacher is coming! You're going to get in trouble!"

Hitomi quickly grabbed the knife and tried to hide it as some of the kids dispersed in fear, but most sat down again as soon as they saw who was coming – not a teacher, but two upperclassmen.

"What are you doing?" One of the older boys questioned suspiciously, while the other one behind him crossed his arms. Clear knew about them both; they were fifteen, almost three years younger than Sen. The one speaking was new here; Clear didn't know his name, but Steve had told him about him, since Steve knew practically everything somehow. He'd moved from an island a few months ago, and his family was pretty important, so he'd made friends fast. He had black hair, and looked pretty uncomfortable in his school uniform – probably didn't have to wear them where he came from, Clear thought.

"Uh… Why do you care?" Hitomi replied, crossing her arms to try and hide the blade better. The teenager still saw it, though and snatched it from her while she yelped in protest.

"And what is a group of eleven-year-olds doing with a knife, huh?" The second boy inquired derisively as the first one inspected the blade. Eventually, he looked back to the group.

"Who brought this here?"

Hitomi puffed up again in agitation, and argued, "It's not like it's dangerous! We know how to handle it!"

"You're bleeding."

She huffed and put her finger in her mouth again, flushing in anger. The second boy sighed and looked to the first.

"Koujaku-san, let's just take the ones that are injured and go to the principal."

"Sounds good to me." The first boy – now dubbed Koujaku – grabbed Hitomi by the arm and also reached for Clear, seeing his hand. Clear scooted away in objection.

"W-Wait a minute! I didn't mean to…"

Steve also argued from beside Clear, "Yeah, hold on! Clear actually didn't want to do this. He isn't the bad guy here. If you have to blame someone, blame me because I sort of forced Clear to hurt himself. Sorry."

Koujaku sent a disgusted look towards Steve. "I'll be sure to mention that. But his fault or not, he's injured pretty badly so we need to take him. He's not going to get in trouble." With that said, Clear let himself be dragged to the nurse by the older boys, feeling thankful towards Steve in the back of his mind.

Halfway through Clear getting his hand bandaged up, Koujaku walked into the nurse's office to sit next to him. He studied him for a few moments before reporting, "Don't worry, you're not in trouble. But your friend has detention for a month."

Clear looked down, mourning for Steve a bit, before looking back to Koujaku. "How come you stepped in?"

"I'm a prefect."

"Oh…" Clear thought to himself, of course a regular student wouldn't have bothered to stop it.

"So, you're Clear, right? Sen's brother?"

Shaking his head immediately, Clear automatically corrected, "Sen isn't my brother. We're family, though."

Koujaku blinked in confusion, but sighed, feeling that he wasn't going to get anywhere. "Okay, sorry… Hey, why did you do that if you didn't want to?"

Clear looked up in surprise at the question, and answered thoughtfully, "Well, everyone else thought it was fun… And I had never done something like that before. I guess a part of me sort of wanted to see what it would be like…" He stopped himself from saying any more when he noticed the confused, speculative look on Koujaku's face as the teenager stared at Clear's hand. As soon as the nurse was fastened the bandages, Clear yanked his hand to his side, away from Koujaku's eyes.

Koujaku's confusion left his face and he looked to Clear, a kind smile growing. "Well, that's dumb, okay? Don't do something just because your friends tell you to. Especially if it's something as ridiculous as stabbing yourself."

Clear nodded seriously. "Okay!"

"I've got my eye on you, kid." Koujaku ruffled Clear's hair and left the room, Clear laughing a little. Inside, he felt confused though. Confused at his friends and Koujaku, sure, but mostly confused at himself.


	3. Chapter 3

"Honey, I'm so sorry. If you could forgive me…"

Amid the woman's soft sobs, the silver chimes outside the door jingled in the wind. Koujaku heard them and sighed, untying his shoulder-length hair to let it fall free.

"I forgive you, mom. It's okay…"

"No, it's not… I'm _so_ sorry, really…" Her cries rose in volume, and Koujaku gritted his teeth.

"Stop it!"

It was silent, and Koujaku's tense shoulders fell in guilt as his mother grabbed him into a tight hug. She buried her face in his shoulder, and he closed his eyes. Her long hair, black as coal, smelled like cherries, and he allowed himself to feel comforted by it.

"My poor baby…" He still heard her sorrowful murmurs close to his ear, but he didn't try and silence her this time. It was the least he could do.

She was just too exhausted by everything, he knew. He knew that tomorrow in the morning, it would probably be best for him to make breakfast for her as a gift, and wake her up in time so he could drag her to the table. He knew he would probably brush her hair and pick out her outfit for her. His "father" also knew, but Koujaku knew he wouldn't do anything about it.

Everyone in the family knew the lengths Koujaku would go to, caring for his mother, but no one knew that Koujaku really felt that he was the one being cared for the whole time. His mother had taught him everything he knew, after all. What would he ever do without her?

"So, you said you finally got a coil? Let me see."

At Koujaku's voice, Clear looked up from the baby alpaca he was brushing, which made a sound of contentment and trotted off. The pre-teen stood up and stretched, brushing off his plain shirt before making his way out of the barn as well.

"Sure! Let's go inside. Grandpa bought it for me yesterday, but I still don't really know how to use it…"

"I can help."

"Does this mean that you're going to get an AllMate soon too?" Beni asked eagerly from his perch on Koujaku's shoulder. Clear smiled sheepishly at the bird.

"I don't think so, sorry. With all the alpacas, I don't think I need any pets."

Beni puffed his feathers indignantly and shouted, "Not _pets_, idiot! AllMates are much more sophisticated than some smelly beasts! Get it right!"

Koujaku laughed as Clear pouted at the mention of "smelly beasts". "Okay, Beni, I think he gets it."

It had been about a year since Clear first met Koujaku, and since then, the two had grown to be close friends. Koujaku was the first person Clear ever invited to his home; his presence made a strong and positive impact in Clear's life. He never realized how lonely he'd been until Koujaku came along, and now he felt more than grateful.

Once they were in the parlor, Clear displayed his coil to Koujaku and Beni. They were unimpressed with the model – of_ course_ Clear's Grandpa would get him the version that was released two years ago – but still taught him more about how it worked.

"You could also use this feature to video chat with people that are really far away, but you've lived here all your life, haven't you? I don't think I need to teach you that…"

Clear's shoulders sagged. "Yeah, right… Do you use yours to talk to your old friends from the island, then?"

Koujaku's eyes widened in surprise, but he soon smiled nostalgically. "Not really, no. I don't think any of them have coils yet, though. I have no way of knowing if they do…" He frowned.

"Oh, sorry! You must miss your friends…" Clear frowned as well; he'd started to feel strange when Koujaku was talking. What was this?

"Well, of course I do… But I'm going to see them someday again, probably… You know, you remind me of one of my friends. Maybe it's just because you're the same age…"

Clear's eyes brightened. "Who?"

"Just my friend Aoba. You're both disgustingly sweet and childish." Koujaku started laughing immediately as Clear punched him in the shoulder. "Hey! I was being serious!"

"Me too…"

Koujaku smiled sadly, then stood up, planning on getting himself a glass of water. "Hey, don't worry about it. I'm not going to move back anytime soon, so you can have me all to yourself."

Clear blanched in surprise at his comment. "W-What? What's that supposed to mean?" Koujaku didn't answer him, still laughing to himself. Clear frowned in agitation, but he also came to a realization with what Koujaku said.

That feeling he was having before was probably… jealousy. He had never been jealous of anyone before, and here he was being envious of some boy who he'd never met. He felt stupid for it, but he knew it was just because he didn't want Koujaku, his only friend, to leave him for some other friends that he probably liked more anyway…

Walking back over with his drink, Koujaku paused when he saw Clear's distraught expression. "Hey… You okay?" He asked, concerned.

Looking up, Clear schooled his face into a happy smile. "Yeah, I'm fine…! What about you?"

Koujaku blinked a couple times before smirking. "Just fine, thanks for asking. Really, what's with you? You're acting weirder than you usually do."

"I just…" Clear searched his mind for a subject changer, and found one. "Uh, Katsuo was telling me a couple days ago that he was worried about you, so I was worried too. He says you get angry at stupid stuff a lot more." Well, it was true. Katsuo was probably Koujaku's closest friend other than Clear, so he and Clear also grew to be friends eventually.

There was a pause, and Clear noticed Koujaku actually seemed surprised that Clear had come up with a serious excuse. "...'Angry at stupid stuff', huh? What does he mean by that?"

Clear looked to the side; maybe it wasn't such a good idea to bring this up. "He just was saying that you were more hot-headed than usual. Agitated easily, I guess? He's just worried."

"I know…" Koujaku sighed, and ran his hand through his hair. "I'll talk to him."

"Why?" Clear met his eyes. "Are you having problems with your dad or something?"

Koujaku laughed sardonically, and Clear felt himself grow cold inside at the sound. "Something like that. Don't worry about it… Hey, you said you wrote a new song, right? I want to listen to it."

"Sure!" Clear grinned and ran to the piano, already feeling more light-hearted. He wouldn't pry with Koujaku – just trying to make him feel better was all he could do.

The entire classroom was deadly silent, save for the rhythmic ticking of the clock, and it was driving Clear completely insane. He looked at the half-completed test on his desk, fidgeting with his tie every so often and tapping his pencil on the desk agitatedly. There was no way he could concentrate – not today, not like this. He knew Steve, sitting behind him as he did every year, was probably so close to throwing a paper ball at his head to stop the incessant tapping. So he shot a glare behind him, and sure enough, Steve guiltily looked down at a half-crumpled paper, mumbling complaints to himself.

Koujaku hadn't shown up outside school today. In the morning before class, he and Clear, along with some of Koujaku's friends, would usually hang out outside the building before the bell rang. But Koujaku was nowhere to be seen today, and Katsuo's worries about it had transferred to Clear.

"He's been acting so strange lately!" Katsuo had fumed, thoughtlessly and furiously chewing a piece of gum while he talked. "He's just not himself, yanno? And now this… Koujaku-san would always let me know why he'd be absent! He didn't tell me anything about today, though! What if he's in trouble or something?"

One of the other guys told Katsuo to calm down and dragged him to class, but those words stayed in Clear's mind and festered there throughout the entire morning. He hadn't noticed, but maybe Koujaku was acting stranger recently? Maybe it was something that only his older friends could notice? Not to mention…

His blood ran cold at his thoughts. Perhaps Koujaku had moved away and didn't tell him… They were just talking about it the weekend before, weren't they? Sure, Koujaku had said he wouldn't move back anytime soon, but maybe that had just planted the idea in his mind and led him to decide that he actually would. Or…

Maybe Koujaku's dad had done something really terrible? He did say that he was having trouble with his dad again… Then again, he _always_ was. Clear had never seen the man, though. The few times he'd been over to Koujaku's house, the only parent he ever saw was Koujaku's mother, who was very nice. His dad just didn't seem like the kind of guy to be interested in his son's life or friends, Clear guessed. He'd also heard that he was a very important man, so he probably had a lot of work to do…

Clear, feeling overwhelming worry and pity for whatever his friend might've been going through at the very moment, couldn't take it anymore. He told the teacher that he felt sick, and ran to the bathroom, stopping to lean over the sink. This was insane; he actually _did_ feel sick. He was blessed with a perfect immune system, Grandpa had commented to him on multiple occasions, so how did he now feel like he was going to puke?

He slowly raised his head to look at himself in the mirror, and the nausea hit him in waves. "This isn't good…" He mumbled to himself, with of course no reply. As he stared into his own eyes, trying to focus on something to make the nauseous feeling go away, he noticed something. His eyes were more reflective and glassy than normal; he could see his own face _perfectly_ in them.

"Is it because of the mirror…?" He muttered to himself breathlessly, looking around to see if there could be anything wrong. Nothing. It might be because he was about to cry, he thought, and sure enough, a few tears fell down his face. He hadn't felt them coming, but they continued to fall. His vision wasn't blurred by them; instead, he stood silently, still staring at his own face. He'd never thought about it until now, but he didn't particularly like his face. The moles on his chin stood out too much, and his complexion made him look like a ghost. His eyes were too light, too _clear_. They still didn't look _okay_ to him, and it scared him a little. Maybe he would ask Grandpa…

His fists clenched. First he felt jealous, now he was sick and crying for the first time since Suzy was killed. Maybe having a close friend wasn't so nice after all.

Meanwhile, Koujaku sat silently as his mother brushed his hair in the dimly lit, red room. He scowled while looking forward, determined to keep his head still and refusing to respond to his mother's muttered apologies.

"Look… I know this isn't… ideal. But we could get a lot of money, and-"

Koujaku failed to keep silent, and whipped his head around to look at her incredulously. "_A lot of money? _Is that so important…?"

The woman realized what she had said and lowered her head in shame. "That's not… Koujaku… I'm so…" She desperately pulled him into a hug for probably the sixth time that day, and he yielded, hugging her back.

After a while, he pulled away and stood up. "Whatever... I'll go, okay? Don't wait outside the door, please."

His mother stood up as well, looking seriously at him through her tears. "Know that this wasn't your father's idea, okay? It was just a proposition that was brought to him. Don't hate him for this, Koujaku."

He shot her a skeptical look again. "Wh-"

"Hate him for _other_ reasons."

Koujaku paused in shock. "…Okay."

She smiled at him lovingly. "You're my son. I'm so proud of you, Koujaku."

He blushed in embarrassment and turned around to walk through the door. "Yeah, yeah…"

Taking deep breaths as he made his way to the second door, he tried to think optimistically. After all of this, his mother would be treated better, wouldn't she? That was more than enough of a reason for this being worth it, right?

Still, he couldn't suppress the overwhelming fear at what was going to happen to him. It couldn't just be a simple tattoo. If it were, his father wouldn't look so intrigued; his mother wouldn't look so sorry. They were probably going to torture him or something – inject something into him…

Shivering, he opened the doors – no use hesitating now. Inside was his father, sitting on the opposite side of the room while smoking his pipe, and a young man who had been staying with their family for a couple of weeks. He looked to be in his mid-twenties, with ash blond hair and the eyes of a fox. Koujaku had been suspicious of him from the beginning – looks like he was right to be apprehensive. The only light in the room was the flickering of a dozen candles, dying everything red and creating shadows to dance across the walls. Koujaku didn't want to be there.

"Nice of you to finally join us." The foxlike man spoke in a svelte, thin voice that made Koujaku's eye twitch involuntarily.

"So, Ryuuhou, do you need me to leave?" His father's gruff voice violently broke the silence, and the other man looked towards him. Koujaku just now noticed that the man was holding something in his hand – a thin rod? He was methodically dipping it in some weird substance, and Koujaku felt more apprehensive by the minute.

"Only if you want to leave." The fox-man – Ryuuhou – replied casually, swirling the rod around in the thick fluid before pulling it out and sheathing it with another thin piece of metal that ended in a sharp point. "I've experimented with this before, but never to this extent, so if something goes wrong, you may want to be here for it."

"Fine by me." Koujaku's father grunted, bringing the pipe to his lips again. Hearing them talk so casually about whatever was going to be done to him made the color drain from Koujaku's face.

"What are you waiting for, boy? Lay down over there." His father gestured to the mat on the floor next to Ryuuhou, who smirked at him. It didn't matter how much he was afraid; it wasn't like he could run away now. With hesitant steps, he soundlessly made his way to the mat. Ryuuhou was motionless as he did this, as if he thought Koujaku was a wild deer that would flee at the slightest movement.

As Koujaku slowly lowered himself on his back, Ryuuhou interjected. "On your stomach." He gritted his teeth, but complied, resting his chin on the pillow.

On his back seemed worse, though; this way, he couldn't see anything, and waiting in silent agony while hearing sounds of clinking metal behind him. It seemed like hours had passed before he felt a hand grip forearm firmly and something cold pricking at his skin, going in…

"Ah!" He yelped instinctually, not expecting the pain. Ryuuhou chuckled softly from behind him, and his blood boiled in anger.

"I apologize, dear; there's no way to mask the pain of this, since…" He trailed off, and Koujaku's fists clenched. Hearing this man call him "dear" made his skin crawl in disgust.

"Aren't I going to get some sort of anesthesia…?" He forced out the question from between his teeth, and Ryuuhou laughed again. His laughter sounded hysterical for a moment, and Koujaku started to feel more afraid than angry.

"I'm afraid I can't do that. With a project like this, anesthesia would just heighten the chances of something going wrong… And even if it was safe, why would I want to do that? It's so much more effective for you to experience _everything_, take it in with your _whole body_, let it stimulate your brain, kindle your skin…" A hand ran through his hair, and Koujaku trembled in disgust and terror. This guy was fucking insane…!

"Hold still, now…"

There were bolts of pain; starting at his shoulders, going down his spine… Koujaku yelled and screamed immediately as it started, writhing violently to try and get away. He stopped his struggling as his father's voice rang through the room.

"Don't squirm around! Make this as easy as possible for Ryuuhou. Who knows, he may accidentally kill you if you move around too much…" His laughter, harsh and guttural, was loud in the small room, but Koujaku could still hear Ryuuhou's soft laughter more clearly. Tears pricked at his eyes, and he moved his right arm to his face so he could bite into it – the least he could do, if he couldn't even move…

"Aw, poor dear…" Ryuuhou murmured, the delight evident in his voice, and Koujaku's skin crawled in aversion. His own skin seemed to want to get away from Ryuuhou's voice – away from the metal piercing into it – but resistance was futile.

It lasted for hours. The pain was more unbearable each passing minute, and Koujaku tasted blood pooling in his mouth and dripping down his arm. Eventually, Ryuuhou moved to his lower back and side, but Koujaku barely noticed the change, as his whole body seemed to be now on fire. Yet he took his father's advice and stayed unmoving, aside from the involuntary quake in his muscles every now and then. It hurt more to move, anyway.

Once in a while, some sort of liquid would be splashed on his back – what it was, Koujaku didn't know, but it stung like a motherfucker. The liquid pooled to his sides, along with his blood and sweat, and Koujaku felt dizzy. His throat hurt from crying and screaming. When could it be over, when could it be…

He realized, after three silent minutes, that Ryuuhou had stopped his work. Koujaku wanted to look over his shoulder to see, but his neck was too stiff, and he was afraid to move it. He heard Ryuuhou sigh, though.

"I think I'll let this sit, and get back to it later… Don't want to be too hasty, right?" Koujaku relaxed at his words – a break from this pain was all he desired – but tensed up again as a hand brushed his cheek. Ryuuhou's hand was almost freezing against his own skin, which was hot from the pain. As much as Koujaku's stomach turned in revulsion, he couldn't help but lean into the cold hand in relief. Immediately, he felt disgust with himself.

"Such a pretty face… This structure…" The words repulsed Koujaku, but he didn't want to lean away from the pleasant coolness.

"Do whatever you want with it."

His father's words struck into Koujaku – with his pain, he'd completely forgotten that his father was in the room. Sadness and fear overcame him. Did his father even know what he was saying? "Whatever he wants"?

Ryuuhou hummed nonchalantly and lifted Koujaku's face up. His neck strained, and he moaned in pain at the burning feeling through his shoulders. He still couldn't see Ryuuhou's face, but he knew Ryuuhou was studying him attentively. Suddenly hearing the sound of liquid pouring, he expected to feel something across his back again, but didn't.

"…Well… This isn't _technically _anesthesia, so why not… Besides, we've come so far with no problems yet… I want to make you even more beautiful, _Koujaku_…" His name sounded dirty when Ryuuhou said it; it was like knives to Koujaku's ears.

Ryuuhou's cold hand left his face, but returned holding a cup of liquid. With his other hand, he stuffed his fingers into Koujaku's mouth and pried it open, dumping the liquid in. Koujaku coughed and sputtered, almost vomiting, as the fluid washed down his throat and spilled over his chin. It tasted sweet but strong, and made his eyes burn.

Retreating, Ryuuhou wiped his hands on a towel, and Koujaku heard the sound of metal clanking again. He couldn't pay attention, though, as his head started to feel heavy and his vision blurred. His head was pushed down by something, and Koujaku allowed it, facing the wall so one side of his face was pressed to the pillow. Ryuuhou brushed his hair away from the visible side of his face and covered his eyes to close them; they were starting to feel heavy anyway. Koujaku found he couldn't open them again, and he began to feel like he was on a boat – the room rocked back and forth, and his stomach flipped over and over. It wasn't a completely unpleasant feeling, but it was enough to make him uncomfortable.

Vaguely, he heard his father and Ryuuhou trading words, but they sounded so muffled to his ears, he couldn't make out what they were saying. The fear that had been so real to him before was stifled now; all he felt currently was tiredness, yet his mind still wouldn't let him fall asleep. There was something scratching along his face, he blearily realized, and it hurt, but his mouth felt like it was filled with molasses. He couldn't scream.

The following hours, he remained caught in a limbo of sleep and restless pain. Eventually, he dreamed, but his dreams were foggy and filled with monsters he couldn't run from.

Aoba, hopping in excitement every once in a while, waiting by his front door impatiently. Today was the day; he couldn't contain his excitement.

After a few minutes of waiting, he heard the pitter-patter of tiny feet, and a small puff of blue fur appeared. "Aoba, we're ready." The AllMate spoke in a deep voice, contradicting its appearance.

Sure enough, Sei appeared not far behind, smiling tiredly. "Sorry for taking so long."

Picking up the small dog AllMate, Aoba smiled back at his brother. "It's fine! Let's go!" He raised his voice as he turned to the door. "Bye Granny!"

Sei winced at Aoba's shout and coughed a couple times, but laughed afterwards and exited the house with him and Ren. As they walked, he commented, "Jeez, Aoba, you'd think _you_ were the one getting an AllMate today."

Aoba turned to him, grinning still. "Well, I've been waiting for you to get an AllMate since I got Ren! This is going to be awesome!" Ren, now trotting at Aoba's side, nodded in agreement.

When Aoba and Sei had turned eleven, just like they'd promised each other, they went to the AllMate store with Granny. Unfortunately for them, there were no butterfly AllMates in stock, nor any cats or dogs with blue fur. Granny had reprimanded them both for their pickiness, but they refused to buy any of the available AllMates, and they left the store empty-handed. It was only half a year later had Aoba and Sei stumbled upon a small Pomeranian AllMate, abandoned on the side of the road.

Shocked by the sight, the twins took the dog home and quickly convinced Granny to keep him – with her boys teary-eyed, she couldn't say no. When the AllMate was repaired and working, it was obvious he would go to Aoba instead of Sei; he was a dog with dark blue fur, just what Aoba had wanted. He named him Ren, and the bond between them was evident from the start. However, although Aoba was definitely Ren's owner, Ren still obeyed and cared for Sei as well. The small dog was programmed to be very smart and look after the twins; Granny often said he was like a full-time babysitter, to Aoba's embarrassment.

Aoba still had felt bad, though, because he had an AllMate of his own now while Sei still didn't. He pleaded with Granny, and she eventually promised him that once they turned twelve, the two could go to the AllMate shop again and look for one to buy for Sei. Aoba hadn't forgotten; they'd turned twelve a few weeks ago now, so it was time again.

The AllMates in the shop had definitely undergone some improvements since last year, and the new selections fascinated Aoba and Sei. They looked through the "insectoid" section first, but to their dismay, all the butterfly AllMates were taken already. There were plenty of spider-looking AllMates left, but that wasn't good enough. As Aoba lamented to Ren, Sei spotted a section to his interest and wandered there alone.

"Aoba, Sei is gone." Ren eventually interrupted, and Aoba widened his eyes, looking around wildly. Sure enough, Sei was nowhere to be seen. He immediately became nervous, and ran out of the aisle to wander the rest of the shop in search. Even after growing up so much, he still felt anxious when Sei wasn't by his side; in fact, that feeling had only grown since Koujaku had left around a year ago. Not only that, but Sei had caught another cold recently. It wasn't that Aoba thought he was weak or anything; he just couldn't help but feel more worried for him when he was sick.

He scanned most of the sections, and when he entered the "faerie/fantasy" section, there was Sei staring at one of the displays. Aoba walked up to him in relief and took his hand. They didn't hold hands as much as they used to – they were almost teenagers after all – but Aoba still reached for Sei sometimes. Sei noticed Aoba's worry, and laughed.

"Sorry, sorry. But look at this. Do you think I could get it?"

Aoba looked to the display, and observed the AllMate Sei was now pointing to. It was a small fairy AllMate, probably a little bigger than his own hand. It looked like a girl; she had light blue hair and deep, shining blue wings, with a span probably around twelve inches. She wore a small dress and boots, and her eyes were closed – in sleep mode, like most of the AllMates on display. The most interesting thing about her, though, were her arms – she had ten of them, Aoba had counted.

Nodding in approval at the fascinating AllMate, Aoba turned to Sei again. "She's cool! Let's see what the price is!"

Sei smiled delightedly. "Yes… Almost like a butterfly, right? She reminds me of mom."

Aoba looked back at the AllMate in surprise. "…You're right. She reminds me of mom too."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Katsuo is supposed to be that one Benishigure member, by the way. You know, that cute one that likes dogs.

_Warning: Violence and death in this chapter._

* * *

Clear had been thinking. Which, believe it or not, wasn't the norm. Of course, it wasn't like Clear was a mindless zombie, but he didn't tend to do any introspective thinking. He took everything for what it was: the sky looked blue, alpacas were really fluffy, his hair just happened to be white… He'd never felt the need to question anything. It was what it was.

When had things changed? When had he started to look at himself differently? When had he started to feel… not like a normal person anymore? Or even like a person at all? He sat motionless at his small kitchen table, alone, looking out the window and contemplating these questions. Maybe he just experienced life differently than other people…

"Clear… Clear! Hey, Clear, listen to me."

"Uwah?" Clear's eyes widened as he snapped out of his stupor, Sen's hand waving in front of his face. The older boy looked angry, as always.

"What are you…? Tch, never mind. Your friend is here to take you to your other friend's house, or whatever…" Sen trailed off angrily and walked back outside, Clear still blinking. That's right. Katsuo was supposed to take him to Koujaku's house today to see him.

It had been about a month since Koujaku had been absent that one day. It hadn't stopped there; he continued to be absent, and hadn't come back to school since. At first, Clear came to the conclusion that Koujaku really _had_ moved back to the island – that he really had left him behind. But then Katsuo came to Clear saying that Koujaku was still here, and that he was alright. It might've been the most relieved Clear had ever been in his entire life.

Katsuo explained to him that Koujaku's father _had_ done something bad – bad enough to keep Koujaku absent for a full month. He said that Koujaku now had "markings" all over his body, and Clear didn't understand the significance of it, but Katsuo assured him – and all of Koujaku's friends – that Koujaku was healing from it and would come back to school soon. Clear wouldn't stand for just that, though; he wanted to see Koujaku for himself.

That led to Katsuo driving Clear to Koujaku's house – a drive between two and three hours, so Katsuo said that it'd better be worth it. Clear hadn't been to Koujaku's house for a long time now, and was sort of nervous. All he remembered was that the complex was big; to Clear, it just seemed like three houses really close together. Koujaku's family was large and important, though, so it made sense that they would need a large and important place to live.

Clear's uneasiness grew as they pulled up to the house, but he schooled himself into a smile when they had to enter. Eventually, after walking through winding corridors that Clear would never be able to navigate by himself, Katsuo pushed him to the room Koujaku was supposedly in. They both saw Koujaku's mother outside the room as well, and Katsuo said he wanted to talk to her while Clear was with Koujaku. The woman greeted Clear quietly at first, and Clear noticed that she looked particularly beautiful, but her eyes were sad. He didn't have time to dwell on it, though, as he left her and Katsuo behind to enter the room.

He saw Koujaku there, with his hair down and in a loose-fitting kimono, sitting on the side of a bed. Beni was there – they were seemingly talking – but when they noticed Clear enter, the small bird flew out the open window. Clear approached Koujaku, who looked rather surprised to see him there.

"Clear? What are you doing here?" Clear heard the question, but didn't process it, too busy staring at Koujaku's face. Half of it was bandaged up, his bangs haphazardly falling over the coverings. From what he could see, some parts of his shoulders were also bandaged; the parts that weren't were dyed red. When Koujaku noticed Clear's wandering eyes, he pulled his kimono tighter across himself to cover the exposed skin.

"What happened to you?" Clear asked thoughtlessly, but regretted his blunt word choice. Koujaku didn't seem to mind, though.

"I'll answer your question when you answer mine. What are you doing here? Who brought you?"

His gaze lowering in guilt, Clear mumbled, "Katsuo drove me…" He'd thought that Koujaku already knew he was coming, but he guessed he was wrong about that.

"Katsuo…" Koujaku sighed in aggravation, but relaxed. "Dammit… Whatever. I'll get him later. Come, sit." He gestured to the spot on the bed next to him, and Clear complied.

"Did Katsuo tell you what happened then?"

Suddenly feeling nervous, Clear hesitated before answering. "Um, not really. He told me that your dad marked your skin and you needed to recover from something…"

Koujaku looked at him with an emotion Clear couldn't place, his fists clenched. "Not my dad. But yeah, well… I have these… tattoos."

Clear gaped. "You got tattoos?"

"They aren't a cool thing or anything, okay? I didn't want to get them, and they hurt like a mother-… Sorry, but well, they aren't even really normal tattoos… Basically, it's more like I was injured, so I need to recover. I'm almost better now, though." Throughout his explanation, Clear noticed Koujaku seemed less sure of himself than usual, as if he didn't know how to use his words correctly. Clear managed to follow him, though, and nodded.

"Okay. Good… So that's a tattoo on your face, then?"

"Yeah…" Koujaku lifted his hand as if he was going to touch his bandages, but restrained himself. "And on my back and shoulder, too. I guess you can see them later on if you want, but I'm still unsure if…" He trailed off, sounding unconfident, and although Clear didn't know exactly what was going on, he nodded again.

"That's fine. I'm just glad you're okay, Koujaku-san!" Koujaku looked at Clear's smiling face in surprise.

"…'Koujaku-san'? Hm? You've never called me that before. What's this all of a sudden?" He smirked teasingly as Clear's face turned pink in embarrassment at what he'd said.

"Oh, uh, I don't know… I-It just came out like that? Stop laughing!" At the boy's laughter, Clear punched him in the shoulder. Seconds after, though, he became afraid that Koujaku would groan in pain and end up severely injured again. That didn't happen, though; he just continued laughing and grinned at Clear in response.

"Really? It's only been a month, have you really changed that much? Going to join that 'Koujaku-san Fan Club' Katsuo's always talking about?"

Clear's pale skin was red at this point, and he pouted. "'Koujaku-san Fan Club'? What-…?" He was going to go further, but stopped pouting and stared at Koujaku in surprise. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"Hm?"

"You said I've changed…"

"Oh." Koujaku's smile faded. "I didn't mean anything bad by it. Well, I think you've grown a few inches… Clear?"

"W-What?"

Koujaku's eyes squinted. "Has anyone told you about your eyes?"

"My eyes…?" Clear's hand reached up to touch his face, and his eyebrows furrowed. "I know… It happened last month, I think. They're really glassy-looking, right…?"

"Yeah…" Koujaku's face turned serious, and Clear's stomach dropped. "If you've noticed your eyes looking weird, why haven't you told anyone?"

"Uh, I was going to… I mean, no one else has said anything? Why haven't they noticed?"

"They probably have noticed, but they didn't mention it because they think you're weird already." Koujaku smiled at Clear's annoyed expression, but turned serious with Clear's next statement.

"I guess… I was going to ask Grandpa about it, to see if he could see what's wrong with me, but… I just-" His breath stuttered. "I just… am embarrassed! I don't like how it looks, how I look, I…" He surprised himself with his own voice; it was wavering and choked, sounding like he was about to cry. But he didn't feel the least bit like crying right now.

"Hey." Koujaku pulled him into a hug, and Clear froze. "It's okay to be embarrassed, Clear. You don't look bad; you look perfectly healthy and pretty, okay?" Clear blushed and glared at him when they pulled away, but Koujaku still looked serious. "And what's this about seeing 'what's wrong with you'? There's likely nothing seriously wrong with you, Clear."

"No! It's not that. There's something different about me. I'm different than everyone else, and…" Clear trailed off, not knowing how to explain it.

"_Clear_." Koujaku stared at Clear for a few solid seconds, and Clear had no idea what he was thinking about. But eventually, he spoke again. "You are different than everyone else."

Clear's breath caught.

"And that's _perfectly fine_. In fact, it's good. It means one day, it'll be easier for you to know exactly who you are."

Blinking, confused, Clear asked, "What do you mean? Doesn't everyone know who they are?"

"It's not as simple as that. Just don't worry for now I guess." Koujaku ruffled Clear's hair and smiled at him again. "But, as soon as you get home, you _have_ to tell your grandpa about your eyes. Hell, you might even have cancer or something…"

"What?" Clear yelled and jumped up in worry. "Really?"

"Well, it definitely is a possibility, right?"

"Okay, I'll tell Grandpa!"

Koujaku smiled in victory. "Good."

And when Clear got home, that's exactly what he did. Granted, he didn't tell Grandpa that he'd been putting the talk off for a whole month; all he did was show him his eyes and express his concern. Usually, his Grandpa would've already noticed things like this, but Clear had been trying to hide his eyes from other people in shame, and it worked mostly. Not for Sen, though; the older boy had been throwing him suspicious glances for weeks now.

As soon as Grandpa saw his eyes, he scowled and took his arm, dragging him up the stairs. Clear was confused, but let himself be taken to the upstairs bathroom, where he sat on the toilet seat and was told to wait.

He waited nervously, and eventually Grandpa returned carrying strange-looking instruments that Clear had never seen before. He moved his hand to Clear's neck and told him gently to close his eyes.

Sure enough, Clear closed his eyes, and he didn't remember anything at all within the next few hours. But when he opened his eyes again, they were shining, radiant, and opaque.

Throughout the year that followed, things only continued to get worse for Koujaku. He could barely remember where his decline started or where it ended; all he saw was the pitying look on Katsuo's face – the afraid look on Clear's. Koujaku had let the younger boy look at his tattoos eventually, but snapped and slapped at him when he'd tried to touch the one on his face. Immediately he felt ashamed of himself.

"Koujaku-san, maybe you should take some more weeks off of school just to relax. I'm worried; you need to stop snapping at everyone, yanno?" Katsuo had said.

"Koujaku, I know this is hard, but you _cannot_ give in to what's happened to you! Don't let the anger take over, _please_... Oh, what happened to my polite baby boy? What happened…?" His mother had said.

"_Don't listen to anyone_," that voice, a part of him somewhere deep inside, had said. _"Forget about them. They don't know__** shit**__. You'll make them sorry. Look at them, living their everyday lives like your pain doesn't __**matter.**__ Like it__** never **__mattered. Make that __**loser **__feel sorry. Make that __**bitch**__ feel sorry. Make that __**ignorant, spacey little bastard of a boy**__ feel __**sorry**__."_

He didn't know why he was hearing it – or why it had the voice of _Ryuuhou_, of all people, that fucking guy – but he knew that it wasn't healthy for anyone. And so, he swallowed his pride – his hatred – and pleaded to his father.

"Please, let me go back to the island." _("Let me get out of here.")_

He did feel bad for Clear, and he felt bad for his mother who was uncertain about whether to escape back to the island or not. But there was no way he could take it anymore.

It didn't matter. He was denied anyway. All his father granted him was a slap across the face and a few choice words of how he should "suck it up".

That was probably the trigger. His father's words rang in his head as he trudged to his mother's room, entering without knocking. Why did he go to her room? To look for comfort? Because he knew exactly what was going to happen within the next few hours, and he _wanted_ it to happen? Years would pass, and he still would never know the answer.

As soon as she saw his defeated figure, she led him to her bed and stroked his hair soothingly. He didn't know if she knew why he'd gone to talk to his father, but she could at least see that it hadn't gone well.

"Mom." His voice sounded strained to her ears. "My back _burns_."

"Oh, honey. Lie down on your stomach, and I'll get something for you, okay?" She tried to relax him, gently pushing him down.

"No." He resisted, still not looking at her – simply staring at the wall across from him with a glare. "My face _burns_, Mom."

"Honey, I told you, I'll help. Just relax…" He stayed tense, unwilling to lie down, and she sighed. But she gave up, and walked to the other side of the room to get something; Koujaku wasn't paying too much attention to what it was. He was focused on the uchigatana displayed on the wall next to the dresser. His family had many old swords on display throughout their complex; the uchigatana in his mother's room was small compared to some of the other ones, but all he could think about now was holding it in his hands. Eyes on the blade, he stood.

It happened so quickly. Quietly, too. Either that or his ears just couldn't hear anything other than the blood rushing in his head. The blade first went in the middle of her torso from behind, between her ribs. She looked like she coughed, and blood came out of her mouth, but Koujaku didn't hear a sound.

He pulled it out, blood now partially covering his hands, and she stumbled over, holding onto the side of the dresser. She mouthed a word; he couldn't hear it – ignored it – and grabbed her hair to hold her still. The blade pierced through her throat with precision, and a foul stench rose to Koujaku's nose. He was sure that if his ears worked, he would be hearing her garbled words and gasping breath – the squelching sound of blood expelling from her mouth and throat. But, nothing. His mind wasn't working, so how could he hear?

He could still see it though; the way her eyes rolled and her teeth clenched in shock, biting into her tongue until she finally fell limp, letting the sword dig into her jaw from below. The sight didn't make him feel sick or sad, though; he only felt excitement racing from his head to his fingertips.

Everything turned black, and when he resurfaced, he was completely covered in blood.

When he heard the number of family members that had been killed, he vomited.

It was a rainy day during the mass funeral, but Clear liked the rain. He just didn't like getting wet, that's all; so he brought his vinyl umbrella. Steve soon joined him under it, complaining about the awful weather.

"I mean, I know rain during a funeral isn't _uncommon_, but this is just ridiculous! I can barely hear them speak over all this rain…" His friend grumbled, taking out a tissue to rub his nose.

"That's just a myth I think. And are you just complaining because all this rain has made you sick? You shouldn't have come, then," Clear commented cheekily.

"I'm not sick! I just don't like the rain…"

From out of the corner of his eye, Clear spotted Katsuo. The teen stood in deep thought, looking at the ground. Clear felt bad; since hearing of the deaths, he hadn't talked to Katsuo or Koujaku. But that was just because he hadn't seen them…

In fact, Clear felt terrible about everything. For starters, Sen had left to go on a trip for a few months, and he felt so much lonelier because of it. He knew Sen, now that he'd finished school, would start doing other things and seeing new places, but he still didn't like it. Secondly, by now, the whole school had heard of Koujaku's "accident" – it was evident that he would not be coming back to any classes. Ever. Not after this. Most of the students had labeled him a monster or psychopath by now.

Clear just couldn't believe it. Koujaku, one of the kindest, greatest people he knew, killing a bunch of people? His family, even? It wasn't true. It had to be a lie conjured up by Koujaku's father – something like that. But looking at Katsuo's expression, Clear felt more unsure whether it was really a lie or not.

Before he knew it, the ceremony ended, and Clear hesitantly approached Katsuo. Once the other spotted him, a smile grew on his miserable face.

"Clear. How are you?"

"I'm doing okay…" Clear looked to the graves again – there were so many, it still didn't seem real – then back to Katsuo. "How about you?"

Katsuo sighed, brushing his hair out of his face. "Better than some people, probably… When something like _this _happens, it's hard to feel normal, yanno?"

"Yeah… It doesn't really seem real."

"It is, though." Katsuo had a faraway look in his eyes. Clear had seen this look on people's faces numerous times throughout his life, but he never quite understood what they were feeling. Katsuo went on, though, "All of these people are dead. They all had dreams, and things they were going to do. Most of them probably also loved Koujaku-san. Apart from with his father, Koujaku-san was pretty popular with his family, did you know? They all thought he had a lot of promise… Except for his father."

Listening to Katsuo, Clear was intrigued. He couldn't help but ask, "What are you feeling right now?"

Katsuo glanced away from the graves and at him in surprise. "What am I… feeling?"

"Y-Yeah."

He frowned. "…Confusion. I feel betrayed. I also feel… guilt."

Clear wasn't expecting that; he was expecting Katsuo to say "sad" or "angry". This, he didn't understand. He yearned to know more. "Please, explain, why do you feel like that?"

Still frowning, Katsuo hesitated but didn't question Clear's interest. "Well, I'm confused at why something like this would happen. Why Koujaku-san would… …I feel betrayed because I trusted Koujaku-san to not get too angry. I was confident that he wouldn't lose control of himself, and that this was just a phase he was going through or something. I'm… guilty because I didn't do anything more to help Koujaku-san. I'm guilty for feeling so confident in him, for not seeing his weaknesses. I'm guilty… because Koujaku-san's mom didn't deserve this… She was so nice, yanno? She was like _everyone's_ mom, and she would help anyone who needed help… She probably never saw this coming. Or if she did, she didn't stop it, for whatever reason… I wish we could know what she thought, what she was thinking when she died, what she thought about what was happening to Koujaku-san… But we can never know that."

Clear stayed completely silent during Katsuo's explanation. He was enraptured by his words, absorbing every feeling, every thought. At the end of it all, he nodded appreciatively. "Thanks for telling me."

Katsuo suddenly smiled at him. "You know what? I'm also confused because _you're_ asking me these weird questions! Haha, you've always been weird, though." Clear's hair was ruffled, as always, and he pouted in annoyance.

"Okay, okay…" Both of them smiled at each other in silence; the rain slowed to a trickle, finally letting up. Clear opened his mouth again. "Hey, do you think I could see Koujaku-san soon? Will you take me to him again?"

Flinching at his words, Katsuo blinked in surprise. "You… want to see Koujaku-san?"

"Of course I do. You do too, don't you? You're friends. _We're_ friends; he needs us now more than ever, right?"

Eyes lighting up in recognition, Katsuo smiled. "Yeah, right! We can go see him. But I don't think he's at his house right now… I'll ask, and then we can go to wherever he is right now, okay?"

Clear nodded happily. "Okay!" He'd felt terrible at the beginning of the funeral, but he didn't feel so bad anymore.

At the abandoned playground, Mizuki and Aoba sat on a bench alone. This very same playground, that Aoba once played and was bullied in, looked mostly run down after so many years. Yet Aoba and Mizuki found themselves there anyway, holding ice cream cones in their hands and watching Kizuna, Mizuki's AllMate, chase Ren around the sandbox. For a lizard, Kizuna could move awfully fast.

"You gonna eat that or what?" Mizuki questioned from Aoba's side, gesturing to his slowly melting strawberry ice cream cone. Aoba licked up the dripping parts in haste.

"Yeah, eventually. I was just thinking about stuff."

"Mm, like what?"

There was a pause as Aoba stared at the AllMates. "Well, I'm a teenager now. I'm not a kid anymore, so why do I want to come back here?"

Mizuki laughed at his confession. "Aoba, you're still a kid."

Turning to him with a scowl, Aoba argued, "What? No I'm not, I'm-!"

"Thirteen, yeah. _So?_ I'm older than that, and _I'm _still a kid. A teenager is still a kid, Aoba." Aoba huffed at his words, but Mizuki smiled wistfully and continued, "So. Come on, tell me, do you think Sei's getting better? That's the whole reason we hung out today, dummy."

"I don't know…" Aoba's eyes lowered, and his voice grew quieter with each word. "He said yesterday that he might surprise you and just come with me today if he was any better, but he wasn't… He's only gotten worse, really. He said he didn't feel like getting out of bed, and he'd fallen back asleep by the time I left this morning."

Mizuki frowned, his voice laced with regret. "That's a shame."

"Yeah. Granny also had to work today, and she left this morning, so…"

"Wait! You mean Sei is alone in your house, sick, right now?"

Aoba almost felt like laughing at Mizuki's panicking. "Not alone. Usui said that she would watch him. I know she can't do much, but it's enough; it's not like he's on his d-death bed or anything." Though it was just a figure of speech, Aoba couldn't help but stumble on his words whenever he thought of his brother actually… dying. He erased the thought from his mind.

Mizuki didn't seem to notice. "That's good. Usui's pretty capable." Usui was the name Sei gave to his fairy AllMate; just like Ren and Aoba, the bond between Usui and Sei had been evident from the beginning. So far, though, Usui had proved to be similar to their mother in personality as well as looks – she was kind and caring as ever. Her and Ren had similar traits as well, and grew to be close friends.

"You want Sei to get better, right?" Aoba asked out of the blue, turning towards Mizuki. He didn't know where the question had come from; for some reason, he just felt the need to ask.

Surprised but confident, Mizuki replied, "Of course I do!"

"Okay..." Aoba didn't look away from him.

"A-Aoba?"

"Nothing, I just get the feeling like something bad is going to happen." Once again, the words came out without him thinking about it. But when he heard what he was saying, he realized – yes, he did feel that way. Like a shadow was looming over him. Why?

"Something bad? …Don't say that, Aoba. You're scaring me."

"_**Scaring**__ him? What a loser… He hasn't seen __**anything **__yet. Just wait, kid."_

"H-Huh?" Aoba's head whipped around wildly at the strange voice. It'd sounded like the person was only a few inches away from his ear, but no one was standing behind him or anything.

"…What?" Mizuki, leaning back, eyed him suspiciously. Aoba knew from his face that he thought he was just joking around now – making things up.

"I-I'm serious! Did you hear that?"

"Hear…? Aoba, stop it." Mizuki now glared at him in irritation. "This isn't funny. Stop trying to scare me. Especially when it comes to Sei and stuff… I thought you were more compassionate than that."

"I'm not acting or anything!" Aoba also grew annoyed, glaring back. "I didn't say _anything_, but I heard-!"

"Yes you _did_, you said-!"

"G-Guys!"

Their building anger was interrupted by, surprisingly, Sei, who now leaned over in front of them, panting for breath. Aoba immediately forgot about Mizuki and jumped up, dropping his ice cream to support Sei.

"W-What are you doing here, nii-san? You're supposed to be resting!" Mizuki had also approached at this point, putting his hand on Sei's shoulder.

Sei straightened himself and looked at them seriously, though he was still lightly coughing. "That… doesn't matter! We need to look for Usui! We need to help her!"

"Help her? What happened to her? Where is she?" Mizuki questioned immediately, worried.

"I… Well, someone was at the door, and I couldn't get out of bed to check… I was tired, and well, U-Usui insisted that she would see who was there… I fell asleep – I don't know for how long, b-but when I woke up, she wasn't there, and the door was still open…! Someone might've taken her, or something…" Sei explained shakily, coughing and sniffing every so often. Aoba tugged his sleeve in worry, and Sei tugged his back.

Mizuki's eyebrows furrowed. "Crap… You didn't see _anyone_ when you woke up?"

"No…"

"Hm…" As Mizuki pondered what to do, Aoba ran over to Ren and Kizuna, who had noticed the commotion.

"Everything okay, Aoba?" Ren inquired as he approached.

"Ren! You're able to track where Usui is, right?"

"Yes, I am. Do you need me to find her?"

"Yes, please!" Aoba hugged Ren delightedly before turning to Sei and Mizuki in triumph. "See, Ren can find her!"

Sei smiled while Mizuki nodded. "Good. Let's hurry. Do you have any idea how long you slept, Sei?"

"Not really… I think it was at least an hour, though, so I think we should find her quick…" Sei's face lowered in shame, but Aoba grabbed his hand insistently, pulling him to follow Ren.

To the boys, it seemed as if Ren was simply trotting around aimlessly. The small AllMate led them in all directions, taking back alleys and stopping dead every few minutes while looking around before choosing a different path. Aoba was almost ready to ask him if he _really_ knew what he was doing, but Ren suddenly changed to a sprint and darted further into a small alley.

"Usui is there!" They heard the dog proclaim, so they ran as fast as they could to where Ren had stopped. At first, Aoba didn't see anything. But Sei kneeled on the ground where Ren was, his head lowered, and Aoba leaned over to look closer. He gasped and immediately covered his eyes with his hands, but still looked through his fingers.

Usui _was_ there, but she wasn't the same. Her body was sprawled out on the ground, all twelve of her limbs bent at odd, unnatural angles. Her neck was turned and her eyes were open, but there was no light in them signaling that she was awake. One of her wings was stretched beside her – the other was half-torn and bent grotesquely beneath her. Everything about her looked painful to Aoba; her mouth was even open, as if she was about to scream.

The sight was terrifying, and Aoba started sobbing loudly, kneeling to hold onto Sei, who stayed silent. Ren put his head on Aoba's lap, and Mizuki eventually walked closer, putting his hand on Sei's shoulder.

"Sei… Do you want me to call Tae-san for you? Give me your coil."

Still staring at Usui's form, Sei slowly unfastened his coil and gave it to Mizuki, who dialed Granny. Aoba reached out for Sei's hand and took it.

"Nii-san, are you okay? I'm…" Aoba was confused that Sei wasn't crying at all, while he himself had burst into tears. Sei turned to him, and his face looked cold.

"It's going to be okay, Aoba…"

"What? …W-Who would do this sort of thing…?"

Sei looked back at Usui, eyes squinted. Aoba didn't know how Sei could do it; he couldn't look at Usui for more than a few seconds before turning away.

"Some people are…" Sei never finished his sentence.

"H-Huh…?"

Mizuki interrupted them when he gave Sei back his coil, saying that Granny would be there as soon as she could. They had to leave the ally though, and after some debate, Mizuki ended up carrying Usui.

It was later obvious that Usui couldn't be fixed; she would never work again. At Granny's suggestion, Sei and Aoba buried her body in their backyard, Ren watching them. At first, Ren didn't quite understand that Usui was gone, or how it happened. He noticed, though, that Sei or Aoba didn't seem to want to talk about it, so he let his confusion go.

Aoba asked Sei a week later if, someday, he would ever want to get a new AllMate. Sei immediately rejected the idea, and a few seconds later, said that Ren being there was enough. Aoba wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that, but was more than eager to share Ren with his brother now. It was the least he could do.


End file.
